Cheerleader Partners

Action to take

Be a cheerleader to people’s accomplishments,
especially with your spouse and family.

Why

Has this ever happened to you? You had an accomplishment or a win
and you were excited. You told your spouse, or parent, or good friend
and with underwhelming enthusiasm they said, “That’s nice.”
What a let down. It’s the answer to if a tree falls in the forest
and no one hears it, did it make a sound?

Dr. Shelly Gable’s research, which she reported in the
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that
how you respond to a partner’s good news is more important than
how you respond to the partner’s bad news.

Why is a “cheerleader-partner” even more important than a
compassionate partner? It may be that compassion at best
just brings things back to normal. Cheerleading positive events
makes for great memories. It also provides motivation to achieve,
as there is the carrot of another celebration.

Realizing the importance of being a cheerleader partner can motivate
you to be sure to cheer. It takes so little effort and makes
such a big difference.

Quotes

Greet every person you meet cheerfully and enthusiastically.
Nobody can fake cheerfulness and enthusiasm very long.
You’ll either quit trying or improve your outlook.
~Nido Qubein

Humor

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world
and still have more divorces.

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you.
If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment.
Don’t you think it’s worth the extra effort?

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Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey is keynote speaker and author of the Oprah-featured book, Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young. The books and his Reverse Aging anti-aging hypnosis CDs comprise his anti-aging system.

Mutual Love Stories

Action to take

Check to see if you and your partner share a similar love story.
If not, see if you can develop a mutual love story.

Why

People all over the world crave love stories–in books, magazines,
television, music, theatre, and fairly tales. They play a big role
in our culture and our psyches. When you pair off with a lover or partner,
you probably have some stories in your mind that validate your beliefs about love.

There are many types of love story scripts. For Dr. Zhivago love was
a passionate poetic adventure. In The African Queen, Captain Allnut (Bogey)
and Miss Sayer (Hepburn) found that fighting adversity together brought
admiration, respect, and even love. “I never dreamed any mere physical experience
could be so stimulating!” says Ms Sayer. Romeo and Juliet saw love as a compelling force
as did Tony and Maria in the remake, West Side Story in which they sing,
“When love comes so strong, there is no right or wrong.”

Love stories can emphasize pure sensuality as in Tristan and Isolde, being drawn to
character as in Frank Capra movies, or destiny as in Aida. Gilbert and Sullivan
suggest love is folie B deux. Many Western and hero movies have the man as hero and protector.
In Fiddler on the Roof, Goldie and Tevye find love comes from sharing
experiences and following traditions over the years.

O’Henry’s Gift of the Magi suggests love is mutual self-sacrifice. You’ll recall
the poor wife sold her hair to buy her husband a watch chain for Christmas
and he sold his watch to buy her combs. Perhaps the sappiest script for
love is “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” from Love Story.

So what story results in the best marriages?
Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s research found that
all kinds of stories can bring happy, fulfilling relationships.
Couples are more likely to be happy and fulfilled, however,
when they subscribe to the same story.

American couples in the nineteenth century usually had a story
with traditional roles and lifelong fidelity. In the 1960s,
the women’s liberation movement affected a lot of divorces
when many wives’ scripts for marriage changed and
their husbands wanted to keep the traditional scripts.
Today we have even more varied stories.

You can determine your love story script by considering
your favorite love stories and movies or simply thinking about
what your relationship or marriage would be like if it were
exactly as you would like it to be. How does that compare
with your partner’s story? If it is different, can you develop
a mutually fulfilling story?

Quotes

Suffering is the true cement of love.
~Paul Sabatier

The cat and the love you give away come back to you.
~(source unknown)

Humor

Soldier leaving base, “This has got to be love at first sight.
I’m on an eight hour pass.”

Platonic love is the interval between events.

Bachelors are the bootleggers of love.

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Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey is keynote speaker and author of the Oprah-featured book, Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young. The books and his Reverse Aging anti-aging hypnosis CDs comprise his anti-aging system.