Brain WiFi

Action to take

When you need to get something done, remind yourself of the strengths
you have already shown.

Why

Our brains have a built in WiFi (wireless fidelity system) to read and imitate
others’ emotions in a matter of milliseconds. There is great adaptive value
to quickly recognizing danger and reacting to it before the conscious mind
even has time to figure things out. Our WiFi system also facilities rapport,
shared emotions, and emotional bonding.

When you see someone scratch, yawn, or smile, your premotor muscles
activate to do the same. What determines whether the movement it
executed is beyond the scope of this article. What is clear from
Daniel Goleman’s research on Social Intelligence is that you are programmed
to imitate other people. Two implications come to my mind for our goal of
thinking, feeling, looking, and being happier.

#1 You become like the people you are around. If you are around dour, sour
people, it drags your mood downwards. If you associate with upbeat people
who smile a lot, you will smile more as well. I’m not suggesting you get
a divorce because your spouse doesn’t smile enough. But it is worth considering
whether the friends you choose, the activities you go to, and your workplace pulls
you up or down. At the least, adopt a belief that you gravitate to upbeat people.
You may want to consider whether you want to make some changes in how you
spend your time or even whether your job could be structured differently or
is ultimately a job you want to stay with.

It is interesting to theorize what can go wrong with emotional WiFi. Religious fanatics
rigidly adhere to a belief system and pay little attention to WiFi input. Stereotypical
lab scientists who do great research but are inept with people also have a WiFi
system that pays little attention to input. Anti-social personalities may or may not
read others well but ignore empathy. Dependent personalities too readily absorb
and react to everyone else’s feelings.

#2 When one person is smiling and another frowning, which emotion is most
contagious? One influence is power, i.e., people are more likely to mirror the
bosses’ emotions than the boss it to mirror theirs. Power aside, it usually is
the person with the strongest personality. By strongest personality I mean
the person who has the clearest self-concept about who he or she is,
especially emotionally, and stays with that default program most of the time.
Thus a person who has a self-concept of being an upbeat, very resilient
person who rarely gets pulled down is likely to be emotionally dominant
with others. She is also likely to have what I would call an emotional
immunity to others’ negative emotions.

Make a statement about your emotional self-concept. Does it give you
the benefits I just described? If not, tweak it until it gives you the positive
strong personality you love to have.

Quotes

Emotions will either serve or master, depending on who is in charge.
~Jim Rohn
You have more to do than you can possibly do.
You just need to feel good about your choices.
~Time management/productivity guru David Allen

Humor

Mommy my feelings don’t feel good.
~Sonia Brickey at age 6 and not willing to settle for bad feelings

T-shirts from women who take crap from nobody:
~Guys have feelings too—but who cares
~Please don’t make me kill you
~I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people

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Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey is keynote speaker and author of the Oprah-featured book, Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young. The books and his Reverse Aging anti-aging hypnosis CDs comprise his anti-aging system.

Making Life Personal

Action to take

(will explain in the why section)

Why

Riddle: What is the best five-dollar present you can buy for yourself
but would be inappropriate to give as a gift to someone else?
I’ll give you the answer in a few paragraphs.

How often do you get a hand written letter or even a hand written note?
For most people postal mail has become just commercial mail.
Something handwritten typically comes just a few times a year.
When it does, it gets a Wow reaction.

I know when I receive a birthday card or holiday card, I think how nice,
display it for perhaps a week, and then it goes in the circular file.
But a handwritten note or a custom card has a hundred times the impact
and is a keeper.

Remember what it is like to be a kid. You didn’t get mail—or if you did,
it is from an organization selling something. It seems like everyone is
criticizing you and you are at the bottom of the pecking order.
Imagine one day you receive a hand written letter from grandmother
unconditionally telling you how much she loves you, thinks about you,
and is proud of you. How would that impact you?

I see so many people complain that their parents or even their grandparents
didn’t tell them they loved them. When I see people at nursing homes,
I often talk with them about how much power and influence they have.
They are often surprised. Many are grandparents or even great grandparents.
They have plenty of time. If great grandmother can’t physically write,
she can have someone write her words for her. All she has to do is write
a letter or send a card with a personal message to have enormous impact on children.

The answer to my riddle is–a box of thank you cards. I’m not talking about
obligatory thank you cards for presents, wedding, funerals, etc. How many
unprompted thank you cards do you receive a month? How do you feel
when you receive one? The rarity of unprompted thank you cards gives them
huge impact.

If you are looking for a good New Year’s resolution consider making it
sending an unprompted thank you card every week–
or if you are really ambitious, every day.

What do unprompted thank you notes have to do with being more youthful
and living longer? Gratitude and sense of purpose are key traits of happy,
healthy people. What goes around comes around, and expressing
heartfelt gratitude will bounce back again and again.

Quotes

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
~William Arthur Ward

Humor

Six-year-old Tommy wanted $100. He prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
He then wrote a letter to The Lord, USA requesting the $100. The post office
didn’t know what to do with it so they sent it to the White House. Administration
officials were touched and sent Tommy a $5 bill, which they though would seem like
a lot of money to a six year old. The boy wrote The Lord a thank you note:

Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. For some reason you had to send it
through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
Love,
Tommy

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Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey is keynote speaker and author of the Oprah-featured book, Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young. The books and his Reverse Aging anti-aging hypnosis CDs comprise his anti-aging system.

Coping with Dying

Action to take

Know what is helpful to talk about when someone is struggling with dying.

Why

The ideal is to be like to Energizer Bunny on Alkaline batteries.
He just keeps going and going and going at full power and then dies suddenly.

For many people, however, dying is a long drawn out process.
Cancer and many other chronic illnesses can raise a lot of why questions
and foster depression.

One of the key coping skills for living a long, healthy, happy life
is coping with loved ones dying. What can you say to comfort someone
who is having a tough time dying?

We all want to think that our lives mattered and we played our hands well.
Presidents worry about the legacy they will leave. For people who believe
there is place in heaven waiting for them, the task usually is easy.
For other people, emphasizing three points usually helps:

1. You helped a lot of people and touched a lot of lives.
Give specific examples. Rearing children is an obvious example,
but so is mentoring, great friendships, volunteer work, donating blood, etc.
When people are dying, they usually focus on family and relationships
as opposed to work. Consequently, contributions to the profession
usually don’t resonate except for professors, politicians, and founders.

2. You did honest, needed work. It helped a lot of people and
made the world a better place. While there are crooks and shysters,
most people’s work made the world a better place and they should take credit for it.

3. You went many places, did many things, and met fascinating people.
You heard a lot of music, saw a lot of beauty, and enjoyed life.
In short you lived a full life. (Note: How you word things can make
a big difference. If you talk about living fully, an unhelpful “yes-but”
inner voice often objects with things they didn’t get to do.)

If one of the points doesn’t fit, emphasize the other two.

Quotes

What we do for ourselves dies with us.
What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.
~Albert Pine (a 19th-century English author)

To be what is called happy, one should have
(1) something to live on,
(2) something to live for,
(3) something to die for.
The lack of one of these results in drama.
The lack of two results in tragedy.
~ Cyprian Norwid (a 19th-century Polish poet)

Humor

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done lying down.
~Woody Allen

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow,
but phone calls taper off.
~Johnny Carson

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Anti-Aging Psychologist Dr. Michael Brickey is keynote speaker and author of the Oprah-featured book, Defy Aging and 52 baby steps to Grow Young. The books and his Reverse Aging anti-aging hypnosis CDs comprise his anti-aging system.